No one told me this before the baby arrived: parenting will reflect back the parts of me I thought were healed, but maybe weren’t.
I was tired, stretched, triggered—and then suddenly, I’m not just responding to my child’s cry. I’m responding to my own inner child. The one who wasn’t held. Or heard. Or guided. Or believed.
Sometimes I think of these moments as emotional flashbacks—when my reaction doesn’t quite match the moment in front of me, but perfectly matches something buried underneath.
And now, more than ever, I try to ask myself:
“Hey buddy, what’s really going on here?”
“Is this about now—or something older?”
“Can I meet this part of myself with curiosity instead of judgment?”
It doesn’t always come easy. But when it does, it shifts the whole moment—from reaction to reflection.
The Workshop Within the Workshop
Before I met my wife, I spent a few years in the self-improvement world—workshops, retreats, coaching, all of it. And I started to notice something: the most powerful transformation often happened in the unscripted moments. The workshop within the workshop—the one you didn’t plan for. The one you didn’t pay for. The one that surprised you.
Parenting, for me, is one long, unscheduled workshop.
It’s not just about learning how to change diapers or manage nap schedules. It’s about seeing where I hold resentment. Where I reach for control. Where I still ache for approval. And every now and then, it’s about letting those things soften, just a little more.
We’ve Both Felt It
My wife has had her own moments like this. Different wounds, different reflections—but similar feelings: shame, sadness, sudden grief.
And what we’re learning is this: parenting will surface it all. Not to punish us—but maybe to heal us.
And if we can stay curious… if we can stay kind to ourselves while we grow… these moments can offer something profound.
A Reminder to Myself (and Maybe to You)
I am perfect, whole, and complete.
And I can be a little bit better—if I choose to do the work.
Parenting isn’t always the story you write. Sometimes it’s the one that rewrites you.
And if any of this resonates—if you’ve had those moments that sting or stop you in your tracks—just know: you’re not alone. You’re not broken. You’re just being invited to go deeper.
Take the invitation. Or don’t. Either way, the love is still there.
Noah Wells
Dad in progress. Human in process. Still learning how to hold the mirror with compassion.
